Scottish little ditty

(to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody)

Is this the real life, is it the methadone? Stuck in Maryhill, two bob for the telephone? Open yer wine an' talk wi' a whine like me.... Ahm just a weeji, gie us yer Sunny D. Cos I'll chib yer pal, rip yer Da; slash yer dug, ride yer ma! Any way the Clyde flows Disnae really matter tae me.......
Haw Maw, just chibbed some c**t, Buckie bottle tae the heid, An noo the feckin' b*stard's deid! Haw Maw, Ahm just oan parole, An noo I'm headin back tae Barlineeeee.... Haw Maw, ooh oohooh ooh, Never meant tae steal yer purse, But if I'm no fuhll a' smack this time the morra'. Kerry oot, kerry oot! An we'll go oan the batter!
Too late, the bailiff's here, Sends shivers doon ma spine, Gubbed 10 jellies just in time. Goodbye all ma muckers, I've got tae go, Got tae go and rip some f***face up the scheme. Haw Maw, ooh oohooh ooh I'm a jakey bam, I sometimes think I've never been washed at all.
I see a little silhouetto of a bam, Adidas! Adidas! Can ye get us a kergo? Thunderbird, White Lightning, very very frightning to me! Twenty Mayfair, Twenty Mayfair, Twenty Mayfair and some skins, Magnifico oh oh oh oh! I'm just a vat boy, nae c**t loves me, He's just a vat boy fae a vat family! Spare us a pound fur a wee cup o tea? Get tae fock, skanky slob, will ye get a job? Forfocksake, No! I will no' get a job! - Get a job! Forfocksake, I will no' get a job! - Get a job! Forfocksake, Will you get a job? - Get a job! Will no' get a job, get a job! Will no' get a job, get a job! No, no, no, no, no, no, no..... Oh gonorrhoea! gonorrhoea! gonorrhoea and the clap! Then doon the pub, has the barman put aside for me? For me, for meeeee!?
So you 'hink you can slash me and pish in my eye? So ye 'hink ye can chib me an' leave me to die? Haw bawbag, can't dae this tae me bawbag! Just wait till I'm oot, just wait till I'm right oot ma nut! Fock all really matters, Any c**t can see, Fock all really matters, fock all really matters to me! Any way the Clyde flows.....

Mad Rod frae Edinburgh