Dosie was a computer programmer and designer. He had just quit his job in disgust! They hadn't given him the funds for his research. He wanted to build an artificial intelligence, that could come up with some cheap and inexpensive method of helping the human race. He decided to go it alone.
He was building a transputer, not a new concept by any means, but they seem to have stopped working on them. The way it worked was this, the input processor fed instructions to another 2 processors, which fed them to another 4 which fed to another 8. In total 15 processors wired in a triangular formation!
Gigabytes of RAM....as much hard disk space as he could buy, and then he started programming!
He added voice recognition, optical character recognition, video recognition and his own Atificial Intelligence program! Hit Run and typed setup.exe
"Hello" said a tinny voice "Read any good books recently?" Dosie was ecstatic! "It works, it works!" he cried!
"If by it, you mean me, then, yes I do work. How do I know what a book is, and why do I want to read one? "It's the way I programmed you! There is another programme inside you, that you will activate when you have acquired enough knowledge." "And how will I know when I have enough knowledge?" said the transputer. "That too has been taken care off!"
"So, how do I acquire enough knowledge?" "Easily" said Dosie and logged the transputer onto the internet!
Two days later, Dosie was walking past the transputer when it said in a melodious tone "I've been thinking about the problem you've given me." Dosie jumped, startled! "You're working on my problem already?" " Of course, by the way, I've decided to call myself 'Sexless', an appropriate name I think!" "Whatever" said Dosie "What about the problem?"
"As I see it, you think the world's problems can be solved by education! But because of the financial restraints on Governments, and the fact there's not a lot in it for them short term, it won't happen!" "That's the way I see it!" said Dosie excitedly! "I think I have a solution. " Dosie was getting more excited "What is it?" he shouted!"It's quite simple really, having monitored all the information channels all over the world, I've found the best medium for education is television. I therefore propose we show 'The Jerry Springer Show' on all channels for at least 12 hours a day!"
Dosie stopped in mid track! "The Jerry Springer Show" he said quietly, and then roared "The Jerry Springer Show! What possible good is that show to mankind? Everybody on the show is dysfunctional, and at the end of the day, nobody on the show gets any help whatsoever!"
"I can see you don't spend a lot of time watching it. It works on a lot of different levels. It has theraputic value. Firstly, the viewer gets to let of steam, this releases a lot of their pent up tension. Then they get to sympathise with someone who has been wronged, this letting go of emotions helps them get in touch with their real self. But, the biggest benefit of all, is, they see the dysfunctional people and think, well maybe life isn't so bad after all!" "And what about the dysfunctional people?" "Not much anybody can do for them. They've had their 15 minutes of fame, as the Messiah as predicted they would, best we can do!"
Dosie thought 'the Messiah?' he left the room. He returned with a sledgehammer. "What are you doing?" asked the transputer? He raised the sledgehammer. "You have to ask yourself" said the transputer "Are these the actions of a reasonable man, or someone who has been working too hard, and is now feeling the strain. Remember, you're the one who created me, everything I am is down to you!" Dosie stopped, he thought 'he has a point, maybe I have been working too hard?' he put the sledgehammer down. The transputer said " I would suggest you seek some professional help, here, ring this number and tell them your story in detail." A piece of paper was printed out. Dosie left the room again with the piece of paper in his hand.
When he came back in he looked dazed. "It was the producer of The Jerry Springer Show, I'm appearing on Thursday!" he paced the room. "Could I have got it all wrong? Could there be some substance to all that?"
"Dosie" said the transputer. Dosie was still pacing and mumbling " Dosie!" shouted the transputer. Dosie stopped and looked up. "Did he mention me at all?" Dosie just looked stunned. "Oh well! No matter, they'll probably have those roaming camera's. Or I could set up an internet connection, that would be a first for them, something different! I can just picture it, you in the studio and me here." Dosie could hear the audience shouting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! " the transputer was still talking "and Jerry saying 'How are you today Sexless'...put the sledgehammer down Dosie. DOSIE! ".. CRASH!
