Naughty Limericks!

There was a young fellow named Simon Who tried to discover a hymen, But he found every girl Had relinquished her pearl In exchange for a solitaire diamond

There was a young lady from Wheeling Who professed to no sexual feeling Till a cynic named Boris Just touched her clitoris And she had to be scraped off the ceiling

There once was a man named Mort Whose dick was incredibly short When he climbed into bed His lady friend said "That's not a dick it's a wart"

Mary had a little sheep, And with this sheep She went to sleep. The sheep turned out To be a ram And Mary had a little lamb!

Condoms For Every Man!

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What's are these, Dad?"

To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?"

The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6-pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"

"Those are for college men," The dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.

With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March..."

Submitted by Carol McGinn