The Convenience Store - the corner shop. Everyone's got one, quite local to them, usually on the corner of the road. Always there, always open, except when you run out of milk at 2am or the cat's just come in and wants feeding, then they're closed. We take them for granted, and then moan when they close down because the new supermarket that opened recently that's about 2 miles away, has taken all the custom, and they can't afford to compete and stay open.
It's not easy to run a little corner shop - ask anyone who's tried it, and they'll tell you all about it. I know, I manage one. Let me give you an example of a typical working day. Do I hear you say "That's boring"? Not likely. Just try this for size.
The shop opens from 7am until 10pm at night, every day, seven days a week, all year round. There's no rest for the wicked - just that I'd like the opportunity to be wicked once in a while. :-)
Summer is the time of the Annual Manager's Conference, which is the Company's extravaganza to review the trade figures for the past year and to outline plans for the forthcoming year. The conference is held in a different location each year, and the venue is sumptuous. This year's conference venue was no exception. The location was. We were off to sunny Blackpool?!! A previous conference had been held there a few years before, and fellow managers who had attended then reported that a fine time had been had by all, and the weather had been superb. Not so, this year, unfortunately. The weather at home had been typical for the time of year, but dry and warm.
During a meeting of the managers for the area, we had decided that taking a train would be easier and far less hassle than driving to Blackpool. A block booking of reserved seats had been made from Birmingham New Street, leaving individual managers to find their respective way to Birmingham to connect with the Blackpool train. This meant for the majority of us to catch the London Euston train to Birmingham New Street. Packed and ready to go, I phoned a taxi to the station, and purchased my ticket to Birmingham with no difficulty with plenty of time to spare. When the train arrived, it was packed, with standing room only. Sardines have a better life in a tin. Luckily, some passengers left at the next stop, vacating seats and I was able to grab one. Just as well, as new passengers boarded to take the place of the disembarking, only twice as many came on board!! There were two more stops just like this, leaving some of the last left waiting for the next train. Why? TWO previous trains had been cancelled, leaving very disgruntled passengers and an overcrowded train. Mass disembarking at Birmingham New Street meant a very crowded platform. All I have to do is find the rest of my party. Once the platform had cleared, I start to look. No meeting place had actually been arranged, but first choice seemed to be the platform from which the Blackpool train would leave. For those who have never visited Birmingham New Street, this is a very large complex involving many stairs, and ranks of screens announcing the current/next trains on each platforms. This, along with the constant passing of commuters, is perplexing.
I establish the fact that the train will be leaving from Platform 6 in 30 minutes, but none of my party is there, yet. So a further trip up the stairs to the waiting room is in order. Three of the party are already there, having arrived on the same train as I, but, due to the volume of passengers, we had missed each other. Others arrived shortly afterwards, and sustenance was purchased for the journey.
Shortly before the train was due, most of the party had arrived. We made our way onto the correct platform hoping to find the remaining members there. Luckily, we did. Sighs of relief all round. A few minutes later, our train arrived and we headed for the correct carriage to find our reserved seats. We found however, that our seats were not all together, but spaced out down one side of the carriage, and one member was in a totally different carriage altogether! As the train would be taking us to Preston, and was, at present, virtually empty, we all sat together. Then came the fun. As we stopped at other stations, people began to claim their seats, and so began the hunt for our correct ones. Unfortunately for two of us, (one being myself), our seats were taken by an elderly couple, who couldn't see very well. So, instead of disturbing them, we sat somewhere else, until they were claimed. Eventually, we appeared to have no choice in disturbing their slumber, until we hit on a bright idea. We just switched the tickets on the back of their seats over from theirs to ours. We had grown tired of continually swapping, and this seemed to be the fair way. Luckily for us, the ticket inspector agreed when he came round, and we were left in peace for the rest of the journey. A change at Preston involved a wait of 15 minutes between trains, so a cigarette break was grabbed for those who required it, followed by a clamber onto the connecting train on a different platform, and we were on the final stretch of the journey. It had started to rain just before Preston, and the sky was very grey over Blackpool which did not bode well. By the time we reached Blackpool, the rain was hammering down, and we had no idea where the hotel was in relation to the station, so we scurried to the taxi rank and piled into two large taxis, giving the hotel as our destination. The hotel turned out to be only three minutes drive away, but it saved us getting a soaking!
We all piled into the hotel, leaving the taxi drivers knowing there was a conference there and hoping there would be more delegates coming from the station. Was Blackpool ready for us all? We were in high spirits, having successfully arrived, and we went to book in. As we were early, there was a minimal queue and booking-in went smoothly. We were given a large brown envelope, a large, plain white T- shirt, a bulging carrier bag and a large black leatherlook folder with the conference year, name and hotel logo in gold on the front - very swish! Inside the envelope was a name badge, brief agenda, and a table seating plan for the Tuesday night's Gala Dinner. Checking through it, I found three of us had been separated from the rest of our party onto another table, with other managers of which we knew no- one. At least there were three of us, unlike last year, when I was placed on a table where I knew only one other person!
After a welcome cup of coffee, we had very little to do until we were issued with our key-cards for the rooms, as we had arrived very early and had three hours until the conference began. As the rain began to abate, I decided to leave the rest and take a walk along the seafront. It was still incredibly windy and cold, but, after sitting so long, it felt good to walk around. I sent a text message home whilst sheltering from the wind at a tramstop, then, very windswept, I returned to the hotel, to find that we had been allocated our key-cards and could take our luggage upstairs.
The rooms were very good, with en-suite and a sea view. I was sharing with a fellow manager from my area, who I get on with very well, so, we unpacked and chatted whilst making more coffee, and getting tidy from the wind. The TV was showing a screensaver of an aquarium, so we gathered this was no ordinary TV. On investigation, we were correct. You could do all kinds of things, including playing a Playstation game, surfing the Internet, sending e-mails, as well as watching your bill escalate! We were interrupted by my mobile phone. My assistant manager was calling for advice as we had just had the newest member of staff phone to quit. I could only recommend that she phone around to see if anyone was available at short notice to cover as I was not returning! A few minutes later, we had returned to the reception area, which was now packed with arriving delegates, found the rest of our party, and prepared for the first meeting of the conference.
These conferences are very informative, covering many subjects, from the current financial status of the company, it's objectives and successes and failures, and a chance to meet and question the directors. Great fun can be had, and this year's proved no exception. The afternoon's section of the conference started with a video of previous year's antics, always good for a laugh and a chance to "spot-the- idiot", including yourself, followed by the introduction by the managing director, marketing director and such like, making their speeches. These are never dry and boring, but fun. The whole event is entertaining building on the "family" feeling between all members. It is wonderfully presented and rarely boring, but can get tiring, especially after a long journey, so the first day is restricted to two or three hours.
We had a meal in the hotel restaurant at our leisure and then the evening was ours to do as we pleased. A disco was running in one suite which we could attend if we wished, we had free use of the leisure facilities and pool, or we could take the pick of three hotel bars to drink, chat and mingle. Last year's hotel was very expensive to drink in, and this looked like it was no different, so we all opted to trying local pubs in Blackpool, for a slightly less expensive time. Some decided to take a taxi, instead of walking as it was so cold and windy, but we decided that we should take a tram, and even persuaded our Area Manager to join us! Most of the party had not had a chance to ride a tram, so this was a good way to start the evening, and the tramstop was nearby. We all piled in and went as far as the pier, having asked the conductor to recommend some places. On his recommendation, Brannigan's was first.
On entering, it became clear that this was not what some members had had in mind! It was rough, dark, running a loud disco, and, promising a "live, local band". The Area Manager's eyebrows reached his hairline, and he started wearing a "sucking-a-lemon" type of expression, until he found out the prices at the bar - £1.50 per drink, all following drinks £1. Suddenly, it all didn't seem quite so bad! By the time we rolled on to the next pub, we had already all had more than several drinks, but we were ready for more. The Area Manger's eyebrows had reached his collar by this time. After pub number three, we headed back toward the hotel, some of us stopping a tram, the slower ones having to make do with a taxi! Transport seemed easier than walking. We were loud - sorry Blackpool - even breaking out into song (The wheels on the bus???!!). I think the locals were glad to see us go into the hotel, with one passenger heard to remark "I've lived here most of my life, and I never knew these things were buses!" Blackpool was not ready for us! Most of us were not ready to sleep, so we sought out the disco, and continued to socialise for several hours, by which time, the Area Manager's eye-brows had retreated back to their normal position, but then, he was as well-oiled as we were! I retired to sleep around 3am. Big Mistake!
By morning I woke feeling the effects of lack of sleep. It took some doing to un- nail myself from the mattress. By the time I had crawled downstairs, it was too late for breakfast, but I didn't feel like anything to eat, anyway. We were ushered immediately into the conference room to begin the longest session. This featured the company facts and figures from the previous year, and can be the least entertaining part of the whole conference. This year proved to be no different, and trying to stay awake was very difficult, especially as the room got warmer. As it was still wet and windy outside, we were not missing much of Blackpool.
Lunch was followed by a "team building" exercise - usually termed The Challenges. This is where I almost ran someone over last year, in a hand-operated go-cart. With the inclement weather expected, the Challenges were in different locations around the hotel. First we had to think of a team name which reflected our area, design a logo, and print the plain white polo shirts we had been provided with the logo. Points are awarded and the team with the highest number wins. Then, we were given a Challenge to create and operate, awarding points, decide who will operate the challenge and the remainder of the team challenge other teams to beat their own challenges. Extra points can be obtained by cheating, conniving or otherwise behaving in a devious way! Some of the challenges were very difficult - for a laugh, try some of these:-
1. Find an open space, with no supports in reach. Stand on one leg, with the other bent at a right angle behind you for what you think is 4 minutes. Difficult? Bet you didn't make 4 minutes. The best member of our team missed by it by 20 seconds!
2. Form a chain with your team around a pool with a bucket at each end. One bucket is empty, the other full of water. Transfer the water up the chain and into the empty bucket using a beaker with a hole in it in 4 minutes! The fuller the empty bucket, the more points you score.
3. The most hilarious was for a team of four members. First the four members pass a balloon between their knees, using only their knees, up the chain, with the final member dropping it into a bucket using their knees only. Drop it before then, and you re-start from the beginning. Then the same four members pass a ball from spoon to spoon held at chest level up the chain with the final member tossing it into a bucket three feet away. Drop the ball or miss the bucket, and you start again. Finish that, and one member holds a coin between their bum cheeks, walks 8 feet and then attempts to drop the coin into a glass on the floor. Team members can guide the coin holder and assist in the aim but not touch the glass or coin. All in 4 minutes. Absolutely impossible, but incredibly funny!
Finding each challenge was also part of the whole afternoon - there were 16 teams, we managed to find 11 of them before the time was up. Not easy when you're as tired and un-energetic as I was.
Our team didn't loose - but didn't win either, unlike last year, when we scored the least points. There's no points given for running over team members! Challenges last year ranged from playing volley ball on a bouncy castle (try it - it's mad), a slalom course using a buggy controlled by two levers only - forward to go forward, back to ....er....reverse, each lever working independently to control the wheels. Braking involves letting go of each lever (this is the bit I forgot!). Also clay pigeon shooting and team relay go-cart racing on an off-road track (that hurt lots!), to name just a few.
Five o'clock came too slowly, but finally, a well earned rest before the Gala dinner with pre-dinner drinks at 7.30. Time for a few hours sleep first, then a quick shower, and change into glad rags, and we're off socialising again. Hard work, these conferences!
There was no difficulty in finding where the pre-dinner drinks were. Find the largest queue and join it. Several companies had donated drinks and free shots of a new line of alcho-pops were being given out. These were all vodka based, unfortunately for me, as I'm allergic to vodka, so I had to make do with the wine. The rest assure me they tasted wonderful, and I'm not arguing. The wine was excellent too. We dressed up in silly costumes last year, but this year, we had voted not to do it again, so I was surprised to see two girls dressed as the Absolutely Fabulous pair circulating amongst us. A while later, they were passing around trays of hors d'euvres, which, on closer inspection, were a piece of cheese, a jelly baby, and a hula-hoop on a cocktail stick! Yuk! Yes, you've guessed - they were the entertainment for the evening. Some of their stunts were quite ridiculous, and included pinning a male victim to his seat, usually by one sitting on him, whilst the other applied tape to his leg which was ripped off, plucking his leg hairs in the process. Then they would find a receding head of hair and apply the tape to transfer the hair residue! I can imagine some incredulous looks from the men's wives the following day! "Honest dear, I didn't know what they were going to do! Perhaps I could shave the other one to match?"
The dinner was superb as usual. We all entered into a raffle, with proceeds going to charity, and one of our team won the first prize. He had the pick of many prizes but chose what he thought was a video player. He didn't need one, but figured he could always sell it later, until he discovered in brighter light that he had, in fact, chosen a DVD player and was over the moon. Another team member won a set of saucepans, which was unlucky, as they can't cook! Some people decline prizes, which are then auctioned off, the proceeds going to charity again. All prizes are donated by confectionery, pop and brewery manufacturers, so many wild and wacky things are amongst them, including a 6 foot high monkey and a dog the size of a single bed! Imagine trying to get that home on a train!
One of our team had a birthday the following day, and at midnight, being well lubricated by the evil drink, we decided to celebrate. We sneaked around and found a small cake, decorated it with a left over candle from the dinner table, added a few balloons, some party poppers and a shower cap (which was all we could find as a party hat!), and presented it all to the birthday girl, singing "Happy Birthday" very badly, which swelled in volume as others joined in. Not wishing to over-do it for the next day, I called it a night at 1.30, and retired to sleep, leaving the others heading for a dance-until-you-drop session.
The following morning found me wide -eyed and ready to go, fully refreshed, unlike other members of the team. It was their turn to feel as I had, the day before, but with hang-overs as well. Their breakfast was black coffee and paracetamol, whilst I made for the restaurant, and a hearty breakfast. It was there I found haggis on offer. There has been plenty of discussions regarding haggis on the Crypt mailing list of late, and I am ashamed to say I had never tried it. Here was a perfect opportunity to try and not have to explain if it was not to my taste. I have to give it top marks - and I will certainly eat haggis again. It was also wonderful to watch the expressions of other team members when I mentioned the haggis - that coffee and paracetamol didn't help much! Don't know what they're missing. After much persuading we were ushered into the conference room again for the final session, which included awards for top performing stores, an overview of all we had covered the day before, the results of the Challenges, ending with a "You've been framed" style of out-takes from the video presentations, which were unbelievably funny!
After that, we were to collect our lunch for the return journey, our luggage, and other important hand-outs to take back to the stores, including as many free bottles of the new alcho-pop as we felt we could carry. I managed five, to be distributed among my supervisors, who had held the fort whilst I was away, under exceptional circumstances. Many were destined never to reach home, meeting the floor unexpectedly in strange places. After a brief exchange between ourselves and directors, we were free to leave. Two taxis were called to take us back to the station, where we waited for our train to take us home. At Blackpool station, you are not allowed onto the platform until the train arrives, which gave us an uncomfortable and cramped wait, as we were a little too early. Finally, the train arrived and we decided to claim our reserved seats to prevent having to swop about during the journey. As we set off, we were informed that the train would be stopping at some stations along the line through to London Euston, including the town where I live. We were all supposed to change at Crewe, then connect to the Birmingham New Street train, changing again to catch specific trains home. We couldn't see the point in my having to go through all that, if this train would take me home. On checking with the ticket inspector, he agreed that I should stay on board, whilst the others disembarked, and there would be no extra charge. To whomever you are - thanks - I would have been home a lot later by having to travel by three trains. I had the whole carriage to myself for an hour - unashamed luxury!
Unfortunately, this was a new Virgin train, which have doors which are locked from the cab, 30 seconds before the train starts to move. We had seen one poor girl racing to catch the train we were on at Preston, having just missed the locking of the doors. Despite arguing with the platform staff, she couldn't get on, as the doors have no over-ride and cannot be opened until the next stop. Aware of this, as I approach my home station, I get ready in plenty of time, but I receive a text message on my mobile from home, enquiring when I will be expected. As we have stopped at a signal, I phone home to say I was just approaching the station, and would phone when I had disembarked. The train had started moving again during the conversation, so I headed up towards the door, stopping to pick up my luggage from the luggage stow. Fate conspired, and the strap on my bag got caught on something, which left me tugging for a minute or so. Finally freeing the bag, I made my way to the door - to find it closed.
"Can you open the door?" I asked the man standing on the platform."Not now, I've just given the signal to go~
"What? But I want to get off"
"Sorry, Mrs. The doors cannot be over-riden. Get off at the next station, and catch a train back"
"Where's that?"
"Milton Keynes"
A despairing sigh from me and a return trip to my seat later, I phone home to inform them that I may be a little delayed and relate my tale of woe. After many chuckles, I leave them awaiting my next call to inform them of my progress.
At Milton Keynes, I am waiting by the door before the train has reached the platform! I've no intention of going to London. I grab the first railway employee I spot and ask for the time of the next return train. Poor chap. He's ever so helpful though, finding me the timetable, assisting me to the right platform and even came to check I had been able to get on board. I phoned home to give an update on my plight. This train was packed, and stopped at all stations in between Milton Keynes and home. Standing room only again. It seemed hours before I reached my home station again, but I was so pleased, I didn't care. Finally, I set foot on the correct platform and made my weary way out to find a taxi to take me home.
Usually there are line of taxis waiting on the rank, but at this time, there were.........none. Phone home again, to inform them I am further delayed due to lack of taxis. The other half chuckled and said that I was to wait and he would come and pick me up - just to make absolutely certain I got home. I pass the store as I return home, and resist the urge to visit. It could wait until tomorrow.
Never have I been so pleased to get home. The conference had been a strange mixture, this year. Fun, exhausting, frustrating, but with a touch of luxury thrown in. But.........will I go again? You bet! Wonder where we're going next year?
