Actually Taken From Classified Ads Found in Various Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.


FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG


FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD,
PART STUPID DOG


GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.
NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN.
FREE.


FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
BEEN OUT AWHILE..
BETTER BE A REWARD.


1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB
$850/offer


SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.


COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.


FULL SIZED MATTRESS.
20 YR. WARRANTY.
LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.


GEORGIA PEACHES
CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents/lb.


NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE


TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 -- $9 PER HOUR.


JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER DRYER $300.


BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
FREE COFFEE DONUTS


(AND THE BEST ONE)


Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica.
45 volumes. Excellent condition.
$1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed.
Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything