Hi folks, it`s Dr Jekyll here yet again, I`ve had double my medication 2day so I`m feeling a bit better, but I won`t hang around too long in case it wears off quicker than my doctor told me or I get arrested (again) for solicting, three times this week I`ve already been arrested, and it`s only Monday night,(AhhhhhggggggI can`t afford to pay anymore fines..)
So, what`s the news to-day, well, really it`s a bit of a warning, about a man in sheeps-clothing who portrays himself as a bit of a lamb (Baaaaa, Bleat)
The person in question is a chap called Mike Gray, now, to those who know him he seems (as some might say) nearly normal, but underneath that dark coniving exterior there lurks even a darker side, he`s got a fetish with sheep. No, he doesn`t collect them, well, not in the way that you or I would collect stamps, or teddy bears and the like, but he collects real sheep, and supposedly got three of his own sheep. No, he`s not a farmer of any sort, and even stranger, he keeps the sheep in his very large bedroom at nightswhy, I ask you?
Apparently, or so I`m told he just swapped 2 Des O`Connor CD`s, 4 Frank Spencer (Michael Crawford) look-alike dolls & the full box collection of DVD`s called Graham Norton does Sylvester Stallone (poor Sly, painfull), and what was the trade that our Mr Grey was seeking? well, wait with baited breath no more, it was a full flock of vintage 1998 sheep with pink wool, but due to a member of staff at a hair salon (near to the field where the sheep were last penned) throwing 30 ltrs of pink hair dye over their shop yard`s wall.
Which by sheer fluke landed in the sheeps water trough on the other side of the wall, and as my reliable sources recently told me that Mr MG was recently seen buying 4 new pairs of Wellington Boots from his local garden centre, now, why he was buying these boots remains a mystery to me..how about you?but when caught buying this item, he looked quite Sheepish.
I will go on to say that if you or a friend or neighbour knows Mr Gray, there are a number of things you can or must do, the most important thing I think is not to act sly or sheepish in his presence, this action can cause an immediate reaction from him which could possibly leave you walking round with a sorebehind your back whilst in the presense of Mr Grey, never have carrier bags with mint sauce in them.
Also, never walk past Mr Gay`s home at night wearing a sheepskin coat..very painful, it was for the sheep that he got HIS sheepskin coat from, if you have physical contact with the said Mr G, be sure to see a vet just in case his foot-and-mouth has shown it`s ugly head, they were going to shoot him last time, but the vet decided not to at the last minute, since then, the vet in question has never worked again, and is still in hiding
TIP:if you are ever in the unfortunate situation of being in a field with a flock of sheep on a nice summers day whilst out walking, and you see Mr Grey come into the field, the only way to avoid detection is to act like a tree, sheep, dogs, horses, cows, and a whole host of animals are very unsafe while Mr Grey is around, he was arrested some time ago for having sex with a Dashound, the Judge asked him how low could he stoop for carrying out such a cruel, sick and depraved act with an animal, Mr Grey replied with Well you honour, I`ve tried a Guinea Pig, but my back soon ached, and my knees got very sore quickly
Really, we shouldn`t mock the misgivings on Mr Grey, he was a throwback, a dillon, an outcast in his family, he himself as a child was abused by the largest Ram in a field of 60 or so sheep many years ago, and it`s twisted his mind, so during your days if you ever cross the path of Mr Grey, you can either totally ignore him which I think might be the best thing to do, or if you feel very sympathetic towards his plight, look at him straight in the eye, don`t smile though, and just bleat about a few times, this will assure him that your no threat to him and hopefully he`ll leave you alone
Failing thatRun like bloody hell and keep hold of your bum..ouch.agggggghhhhh.
(courtesy of the madman..Dr Jekyll)