The Affairs - Part 2

Submitted by - Carol McGinn


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The Fourth Affair


A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." Then she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder.


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"Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later when they went to sleep.

Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.



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"Here," he said to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."






The Fifth Affair


A man walks into a night club one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.

"Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 pence."



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"One pence?", exclaimed the man.

The bartender replied, "Yes."

So the man glances over at the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried egg?"

"Certainly Sir," replies the barman, "but that comes to real money.

"How much money?" inquires the man. "4 pence," the bartender replied.

"Four pence?", exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartender replies "He's upstairs with my wife!" The man says,

"What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

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The bartender replied, "The same thing as I'm doing to his business."






The Sixth Affair


Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face, Her praying roused him from his slumber.



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He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "Becky my darling," he whispered.

"Hush my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk." He was insistent.

"Becky," he said in his tired voice, "I have something that I must confess."

"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky,"everything's all right, go to sleep."

"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I .... I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend and your mother!"

"I know, my sweet one" whispered Becky, "that's why I poisoned you."


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