Bathroom Renovation

By B.l.Cann



Late on Monday morning, the boy came to call, To strip out the bathroom; get rid of it all, All thumping and banging, and tearing bits out, And stripping wallpaper, it's not easy, no doubt! Gouges in the walls show the signs of a fight, Where a certain young man removed tiles with some might, Tuesday and the others have come for a play, We watch as the fittings are taken away.



No water again (the third time in a year), Mortal is our dread of the next job we fear, Our working pattern has been drastically altered, Not helped by a problem wherein the job faltered! New fittings arrive, and are lain on the lawn, Whilst we're left with nowhere; the toilet has gorn! Alternative means of ablutions be found, At the 'pub 'cross the road; and that is quite sound.


New pipework appears, and things start to be fitted, As slowly the hardware from the lawn is shifted, At last reconstruction is well under way, More thumping and banging whilst earning their pay. Finally the workmen finish for the day, This much in their favour, we really must say, A sink and a bath and a toilet have we, Now please kindly excuse us, somewhere's calling me!



Wednesday's set aside for the tiling and grouting, And the final stripping of the walls, there's no doubting, "The floor's not a problem, hardboard has been applied, So most of it's flat!"; Well, we laughed 'till we cried! Both Thursday and Friday they are returning, But we can assure you, their money they're earning, Smooth ceiling and walls is the order 'o day, Wallpaper in 't bathroom; there's no flaming way.



Now, t'lads are supposed to arrive Saturday, To apply fresh paint; and chase our blues away, But all that we get is the gaffer, a jerk, Who apologises, they've not come to work. "We'll be here on Monday," he promises me, "Unlikely to be here; why not try the Wednesday?" If I told him once, then I told him this thrice, But still he has chosen not to heed advice.


T'lads turn up Monday, and I'm quietly seething, They get something less that a fond, cheery greeting! Another day lost, for which I'll get no pay, I hope that these folk'll be finished today! What I can't comprehend, as far as I can see, Is why has it all been done backwards to me? Strip out, prepare, fill and then paint is the way, And then fittings added; to help ease their day!




Bare floor is the order, lino has not come, Just two screws keeping the floor from one's bum, Electrician's next to install fan and shower, Unusually to this chap we don't even glower. For he has decided to come on a day, When we are at home, and we're glad in a way ! As he leaves we make haste to local D.I.Y., To obtain shower curtains; it's obvious why !


Two weeks then go by, nowt is heard 'bout the flooring, Wet hardboard is getting just a little boring, Un-expected they turn up, to finish the floor, Oh, great joy; no flamin' splinters any more ! But not that they do a fine job fitting it, With trim 'stead of skirting touching where e're it fit ! A job to be re-done, of that there's no doubt, All we want is for them to GET THE HELL OUT !