As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway,his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife'svoice urgently warning him,"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!"
Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.
One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her.
For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said," How soon do you need to know?"
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red,but they just went on through!
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light".
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through!The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh crap, am I driving?"
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast,and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home.
So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.
"It's pretty nice," she replies."Except they won't let you fart."
