Spectacles

Submitted by - Barry Walker



BACK TO FRONT EYESIGHT



I tried a new optician's once to have my eyesight done But how I wished afterwards that his practise I had shun. When I had the phone call to say my glasses were ready I struggled up his blooming stairs taking it very steady.

"There" he exclaimed as he put the glasses on my nose "Look at your self in the mirror" said he "Go put on a pose" Is he kidding? I thought as my eyes were struggling to see Surely all of the faces I saw could not all belong to me?

"Are you sure that these are mine?" I said very warily "Oh yes of course" he said waving his hands about airily. "Your eyes will soon get adjusted to the stronger lens" But all I could see were many pockets holding lots of pens.

Anyway I decided that I would give them a fair try So I paid my costly bill and bid him a curt goodbye. Why did there seem more stairs, than when I first went in? Stepping gingerly on my way down as I fell and made a din.

I hung on firmly to the wall as I groped my way back home Vowing that in these glasses never more would I dare roam. It was when I tried to find the keyhole in the front door I could have sworn I had one and my aim was very poor.

But it's when I started to read my book that I suddenly found I could see so much better with my glasses turned around. I was by this time very angry and apart from all my bumps I felt like giving that optician a few ruddy great lumps

I put on my old specs and back to him, in a rage, I did duly go I threw my glasses at him and said " I think you ought to know My lenses have been put in back to front. No wonder I felt bereft My left eye has been looking right and my right one looking left

He very soon apologised when I said I would take him to court As he said he would reimburse me for all that the money bought. I settled for my money back and I said enough was enough He could go and shove the glasses right up his blooming duff.

---

A RIGHT SPECTACLE.


Would you like to read my tale from many years ago A funny little story that you might like to know. I have always worn glasses and one day I did espy That one of my lens was loose, it was the right eye.

I was due to meet my hubby as to the flicks we'd go And in our seats we settled to watch a film show. Suddenly I sneezed and out shot the lens sky high I jumped up quickly crying "Oh Gawd! I've lost me eye"

Everyone around started looking with bums up in the air The usherette came along saying,"What's going on there?" There were hisses and boo's and I felt such a proper twit " Why can't you sit down, and let's see the end of it?"

A little lad found a marble, "Is this it?" he shouted "No!"I said, "It is a glass lens that I have outed." Unfortunately I had to screw my eyes up very tight To try and focus on the film to get it in my sight.

When the interval came my hubby shot off to the loo When he came back he said " I've got something for you" There in his hand was my lens, which he handed to me The lens had lodged into his trouser turn ups you see.

I came out of that cinema and to the opticians I went With my pride having suffered such a ruddy great dent. I look back over life and see the comical times I've had Although times were tough, they were not all that bad.