My American City-WELCOME TO PHOENIX, ARIZONA
My American City-WELCOME TO PHOENIX, ARIZONA
1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is: "fee - niks. " You must also learn to pronounce Mexican Food names like "tawko" and "chimeeee-chaaanga."
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules... the car/truck with the loudest muffler goes next at a 4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that. (Note: Blue haired ladies with their signal light permanently in the "on" position while driving have right of way anytime.)
3. To find anything in Phoenix it is required that you know where Central and Washington is... which is the Alpha and Omega. The Beginning and the End.
4. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot.
6. You must know that "Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway, I-10" are the same road.
7. Construction is a permanent fixture in Phoenix. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next days driving a bit more exciting. Traffic engineers study traffic patterns to determine when a street or freeway shutdown will have the greatest impact and plan it for that time.
8. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, potholes, cats, pieces of other cars, truck tires, squirrels, rabbits, and crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.
9. If someone (other than a blue-haired old lady) actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated".
10. The minimum acceptable speed on all freeways, I-10, I-17, U. S. 51, 60 & 202 (see above) is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Arizona's version of NASCAR.
11. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. (It maybe a hazard to your health and at the very least you can expect bullet-holes in your trunk.) Same for flashing your brights.
12. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55-65 zone ... you are considered a road hazard, and will be "flipped off" accordingly.
13. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving. Dips are everywhere in the road - and lots are walking on the sidewalks, too.
14. If it's 70 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
