The Humble Crab

Submitted by - Ian Urie



Duncan the humble crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were madly, deeply and passionately in love.  For months they enjoyed an idyllic relationship until one day Kate scuttled over to Duncan in tears.


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"We can't see each other anymore".... she sobbed.

"Why?" gasped Duncan.

"Daddy says that crabs are too common"  she wailed.  "He claims you are a mere crab and a poor one at that, and that crabs are the lowest class of crustacean and that no daughter of his will marry someone that can only walk sideways"  Duncan was shattered, and scuttled away into the darkness to drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion.


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That night, the Great Lobster Ball was taking place.  Lobsters came from far and wide, dancing and merry making but the Lobster Princess refused to join in, choosing instead to sit by her father's side, inconsolable.

Suddenly the door burst open, and Duncan the crab strode in.

The Lobsters all stopped their dancing, the Princess gasped and the King rose from his throne.


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Slowly, painstakingly, Duncan the crab made his way across the floor....... and all could see that he was walking, not sideways..... but forwards... Yes FORWARDS, one claw after another!!

Step by step he made his approach towards the throne until he finally looked King lobster in the eye.

There was a deadly hush..........................









For quite a while.......................







Finally the crab spoke.....................







"F**k I'm p1$$ed!" he said.
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