Wisdoms

Submitted by - Dennis Robb

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1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

2.  Marriage changes passion.  Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

3.  I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it.  So I said"Implants?"


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4.  I don't do drugs anymore.  I get the same effect just standing up fast.

5.  Sign in a Chinese Pet Store:  "Buy one dog, get one flea..."

6.  I have my own little world.  But it's OK.  They know me here.

7.  I got a sweater for Christmas.  I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.


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8.  If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

9.  I don't approve of political jokes.  I've seen too many of them get elected.

10.  There are two sides to every divorce:  Yours and shithead's.


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11.  I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

12.  I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.

13.  Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

14.  How come we choose from just two people to run for prime minister and 8 for Miss Australia?

15.  Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

16.  Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

17.  Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

18.  Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:  "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"


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