The HIT Man

Submitted by - Dennis Robb

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Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a stranger carrying a golf bag called out to them.  "Do you mind if I join you?" he asked. "My partner didn't turn up."

"Sure," they said,  "You're very welcome."  So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer.  Part way around the course, one of the friends engaged the stranger in light conversation.

"What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a hit man," was the reply.

"You're joking!" was the joint response.

"No,  I'm not,"  he said;  and to prove it he reached into his golf bag and pulled out a beautifully crafted Martini sniper's rifle adorned with a large telescopic sight.


"Here are my tools of trade." said the stranger patting the butt of the rifle.

"That's a beautiful telescopic sight,"  said the other friend,  "Can I take a look?  I think I might be able to see my house from here."

So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.

"Yeah, I can see my house all right.  This sight is fantastic.  I can see right in the window.  Wow,  I can see my wife in the bedroom.  Ha Ha,  I can see she's naked!  What's that? ....... Wait a minute.......... that's my neighbour in there with her ..... he's naked as well!  The bitch!"

He turned to the hitman.  "How much do you charge for a hit?"

"I'll do a flat rate for you.  One thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."

"Can you do two for me now?"

"Sure, what do you want?"

"First,  shoot my wife.  She's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth.  Then the neighbour,  he's a mate of mine, a bit of a lad, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."

The hitman lifted up the rifle and took aim; and then stood perfectly still for several minutes.

"Are you going to do it or not?"  said the friend eagerly.

"Just wait a moment......... be patient," said the hitman calmly.

"I think I can save you a grand here....."