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The CRYPT Mag

I belong to Glasgow

Submitted by Ian Urie

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Celtic Manager, Martin O'Neill sends scouts out round the World looking for a new striker to replace Henrik and hopefully win Celtic the title.

One of his scouts informs him of a young Iraqi striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar.  So Martin flies to Iraq to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to Parkhead.

Two weeks later Celtic are 4-0 down at home to Rangers with only 20 mins left.


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Martin gives the young Iraqi striker the nod to go on and he takes off Larsson.  The lad is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes and wins the game for Celtic.  The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.

When he comes off the pitch he phones his Mum to tell her about his first day in Scottish football.  "Hi Mum, guess what?"  he says.  "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won.  Everybody loves me, the fans, the players and the media, they all love me".

"Great,"  says his Mum,  "let me tell you about my day.  Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were assaulted and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, while you were having a great time".


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The young lad is very upset.  "What can I say Mum, but I'm so sorry".

"Sorry!"  says his Mum,  "It's your fault that we moved to Glasgow in the first place!"


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