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The CRYPT Mag

The Recovery Driver

By Baz Cann

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Our world is one of dirt and grease, so let me take you there,
The norm is to be unshaven, with tatty, unkempt hair,
Problems that we encounter caused by patrons' lack of thought,
Are compounded by design flaws to make our lives more fraught.


The impossible is done at once, miracles take that much longer,
There's nothing like a mental challenge to make one much stronger,
To gain access is something else which gets no thought at all,
We're stuck between a giant Oak, and a thumping great brick wall.

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No towing eye to move the car, 'tis hid behind a spoiler,
With lowering kit and sports exhaust - come on- do me a favour!
Ground clearance of a half an inch makes loading a real pain,
We stand and think a moment, and utter  "Not again !"


So if you have an odd-shaped drive, narrow and overgrown,
Consider that recovery truck's twice the length of your own,
With six odd feet of overhang which will get in the way,
How many buses do you think you can get up your drive today???


The customer who knows the lot, you can't tell them one iota,
"Your engine's useless without oil, here it has used it's quota;
The big ends are a'knocking, and the valves are seized as well,
The reason I'm recovering you is you've sent it to hell !"


"But how am I to get to where I have to be today?"
"That's up to you, dear customer." is what we grimly say,
"Your cover is for roadside help, and I'm no magician,
To get you home is all I do; in this case, all I can !"

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