These are all genuine quotes from Gordon Strachan:
Submitted by - Ian Urie
Reporter: Gordon, Do you think James Beattie
deserves to be in the England squad?
Strachan: I don't care, I'm Scottish.
Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?"
Strachan: "Velocity" [walks off]
Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you
think you are the right man to turn things around?
Strachan: No. I was asked if I thought I was the right
man for the job and I said, "No, I think they should have got
George Graham because I'm useless."
Reporter: Is that your best start to a season?
Strachan: Well I've still got a job so it's far better than the
Coventry one, that's for sure.
Reporter: Are you getting where you want to be with this team?
Strachan: We're not doing bad. What do you expect
us to be like? We were eighth in the league last year, in the cup final
and we got into Europe. I don't know where you expect me to get to.
Do you expect us to win the Champions League?
Reporter: Gordon, you must be delighted with that result?
Strachan: You're spot on! You can read me like a
Reporter: Gordon, Agustin Delgado?
Strachan: I've got more important things to think about.
I've got a yoghurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That
can be my priority rather than Agustin Delgado.
Reporter: This might sound like a daft question, but you'll
be happy to get your first win under your belt, won't you?
Strachan: You're right. It is a daft question.
I'm not even going to bother answering that one. It is a daft question,
you're spot on there.
Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you
Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck.
I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump off a bridge. Umm,
I think I can take it, yeah.
Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive
round here. I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down
negative man, down.
Reporter: where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up?
Strachan: Not telling you! It's a secret.
Reporter: You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?
Strachan: I don't take stupid comments
Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough
were better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out
Reporter: So. Gordon. Any plans for Europe?
Strachan: Me and the wife were thinking Spain in August