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The Rules
Submitted by - Jim noble
1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
5. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in
reverse?
6. I just got lost in thought. It was
unfamiliar territory.
7. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
8. Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.
9. Those who live by the sword get shot by
those who don't.
10. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a
parallel universe.
11. He's not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged.
12. She's always late. In fact, her ancestors
arrived on the "Juneflower."
13. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you
say will be misquoted and used against you.
14. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
15. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
16. Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.
17. Despite the cost of living, it remains quite popular.
18. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
19. It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its
burial costs and blame it on the higher cost of living.
20. Just remember if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
21. The 50-50-90 rule:
Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something
right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
22. If you line up all the cars in the world end to end,
some fool will try to pass them.
23. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
24. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people
make up 75% of the world population.
25. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
26. The things that come to those that wait may be
the things left by those who got there first.
27. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man
to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking.
28. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
29. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.
30. A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.
31. It was recently discovered that research
causes cancer in rats.
32. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
33. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.
34. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
35. When you go into court, you put yourself in the hands of
12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
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