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The CRYPT Mag

Nursing Home

Submitted by -Barry Walker

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There will be no nursing home in my future ... here's the deal:



When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship.  The average cost for a nursing home is £100 per day.  I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of £65 per day from Princess.  That leaves £35 a day for:

1.  Gratuities which will only be £5 per day.

2.  I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service  (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).

3.  Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.

4.  They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.

5.  They will even treat me like a customer, not a patient.  An extra £5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help me.


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6.  I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.

7.  T.V. broken?  Light bulb need changing?  Need to have the mattress replaced?  No Problem!  They will fix everything and apologize for my inconvenience.

8.  Clean sheets and towels every day, and I don't even have to ask for them.

9.  If I fall in the nursing home and break a hip I am on Medicare.  If I fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade me to a suite for the rest of my life.

10.  Now hold on for the best!  I will be able to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name anywhere I want to go.  Princess will have a ship ready to go.

So ... don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship!



P.S.  And don't forget, when I die, they'll just dump me over the side at no charge.


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