Terrible one Liners

Submitted by - Roger Buckley


1).  Two Antennas Meet On A Roof, Fall In Love, And Get Married.  The Ceremony Wasn't Much, But The RECEPTION Was Excellent!

2).  Two Hydrogen Atoms Walk Into A Bar.  One Says,  "I've Lost My Electron!"

The Other Says,  "Are You Sure?"  The First Replies,  "I'm POSITIVE!"

3).  A Jumper Cable Walks Into A Bar.  The Bartender Says,  "I'll Serve You, But Don't Start Anything!"

4).  A Sandwich Walks Into A Bar.  The Bartender Says,  "Sorry, We Don't Serve Food In Here!"

5).  A Dyslexic Man Walks Into A Bra...

6).  A Man Walks Into A Bar With A Slab Of Asphalt Under His Arm And Says,  "A Beer Please,... And One For The Road!"

7).  Two Cannibals Are Eating A Clown.  One Says To The Other,  "Does This Taste Funny To You?"

8).  Patient:  "Doctor, I Can't Stop Singing 'The Green Green Grass Of Home'!"

Doctor:  "That Sounds Like 'Tom Jones Syndrome!'"

Patient:  "Is That Common?"

Doctor:  "'It's Not Unusual....'"

9).  Two Cows Standing Next To Each Other In A Field.  Daisy Says To Dolly,  "I Was Artificially Inseminated This Morning.""I Don't Believe You!",  Said Dolly.  "It's True!... NO BULL!"  Exclaimed Daisy.

10).  An Invisible Man Marries An Invisible Woman.  The Kids Were Nothing To Look At, Either!

11).  Deja Moo: The Feeling You've Heard This Bull Before!

12).  A Man Takes His Rottweiler To The Vet And Says,  "My Dog's Cross-Eyed, Is There Anything You Can Do For Him!?!?"

"Well,"  Says The Vet,  "Lets Have A Look At Him.",  So He Picks The Dog Up And Examines His Eyes. 

Finally, The Vet Says,  "I'm Going To Have To Put Him Down!"

The Man Exclaims,  "WHAT!?!?... Because He's Crossed-Eyed?"

The Vet Replies,  "No, Because He's Really Heavy!"

13).  Apparently, One In Five People In The World Are Chinese.  And There Are Five People In My Family, So It Must Be One Of Them...  It's Either My Mom Or Dad,... Or Maybe My Older Brother, Calvin... Or My Younger Brother, Hop-Sing-Lee... But I'm Pretty Sure It's Calvin.

14).  I Went To Buy Some Camouflage Trousers The Other Day,... But I Couldn't Find Any.

15).  I Went To The Butcher's The Other Day, And Bet Him $50 That He Couldn't Reach The Meat Off The Top Shelf.  He Said,  "No, The Steaks Are Too High."

16).  A Man Woke Up In A Hospital After A Serious Accident.  He Shouted, "Doctor, Doctor,  I Can't Feel My Legs!"  The Doctor Replied,  "I Know You Can't,... I've Cut Off Your Arms!"

17).  I Went To A Seafood Disco Last Week And Pulled A Mussel.

18).  Two Eskimos Sitting In A Kayak Were Chilly, But When They Lit A Fire In The Craft, It Sank... Proving You Can't Have Your Kayak And Heat It Too!"

19).  Q:  What Do You Call A Fish With No Eyes?   A: A Fsh

20).  Two Termites Walk Into A Bar.  One Asks,  "Is The Bar Tender Here?"

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