Haynes Manual Translations

Paul Woodward

Should remove easily – Will be corroded into place. Clamp with adjustable wrench and beat repeatedly with a hammer
. This is a snug fit – You will skin your knuckles! Clamp with adjustable wrench and beat repeatedly with a hammer.
. This is a right fit – Not a hope in hell. Clamp with adjustable wrench and beat repeatedly with a hammer.
. As described in Chapter 2 – That’ll teach you to read through before you start. Now you’re looking at scary pictures of the inside of the engine
.. Pry – Hammer screwdriver into
. Ease – Apply superhuman strength to
. Retain tiny spring – What the hell was that, it nearly had my eye out
. Press and rotate to remove bulb – Okay, that’s the glass bit off, now use pliers to dig metal part out
. Lightly – Start lightly and build up until the veins on your forehead start throbbing.
. If not, you can fabricate a special tool like this:
. Compress – squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on it and swear at it.
. Inspect – Squint at really hard while you pretend to know what you’re looking at
. Carefully – You are about to cut yourself.
. Retaining nut – That big spherical blob of rust
. Get an assistant – Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone else.
. Refit in reverse sequence to removal – You just swear in different places.
. Prise away from locating pegs – snap off plastic locating pegs
. Use a suitable drift or punch – The biggest nail in your toolbox
. Index – List of all the things in the book except with thing you want to do.
. Hacksaw – A cutting tool based on the Ouija board principle. Transforms human energy into crooked unpredictable motion, the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
. Mechanics knife – Used to slice open cardboard boxes delivered to your door. Particularly useful for boxes containing saddles and motorcycle jackets.
. Battery electrolyte tester – handy tool for transferring sulphuric acid from battery to jeans.
. Mole grips – used to round off bolt heads. Also useful for transferring welding heat to the palm of your hand.
. Philips screwdriver – used to stab oil filters for removal and round off Philips screw heads.
. Bolt and stud extractor – tool that snaps off in bolt hold and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.
. Hammer – divining rod used to locate expensive parts near the object you were trying to hit
. One spanner rating – Your mum could do this, so how come you cocked it up?
. Two spanner rating – easy until you discover that the map of the Tokyo underground you were looking at is a wiring diagram
. Three spanner rating – Make sure you won’t need bike for a couple of days and that your AA cover includes home start
. Four spanner rating - Are you seriously considering doing this?
. Five spanner rating – Don’t expect to ride it again and don’t mention it to the insurance company

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