A guy walks into a pub with an octopus under his arm.

He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. "He can play any musical instrument in the world."

Everyone in the pub laughs at the man, calling him an idiot.

So he says that he will bet £50 against anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.

A customer walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Jimi Hendrix.

The guitar owner pays up the £50.

Another customer walks up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays the trumpet better than Miles Davis.

The trumpet-owner coughs up the £50.

Then Hamish walks up, and plonks some bagpipes on the table. The octopus fumbles with the bagpipes for a minute and then backs off with a confused look.

Ha!" the Scot says. "Can ye nae plae it?"

The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it? I'm going to f*ck it as soon as I figure out how to get its pyjamas off!"