Trilogy of a Highwayman
By Baz Cann
I'm a gentleman of leisure, who has taken to the road,
To relieve Lords and Ladies of their overbearing load,
A King's ransom is on my head, they wish to have me caught,
To relieve the country's highways of the danger that I've brought,
I've said that I'm a gentleman, and so I am indeed,
I've taken from the very rich, to give to those in need,
The blind, crippled unfortunates that I meet in the street,
All say "There is a gentleman, the likes you ought to meet!"
I'll never do a lady harm, but a man I'll run straight through,
My pistol hand is steady, and my aim is good and true,
But if you have but not one coin to call your very own,
I'll trouble you no longer, and leave you well alone.
Of this life that I'm leading, I'm getting tired of it,
Maybe it's time I settle down, resign myself to quit,
Sell food and drink to travellers as they pass every day,
And open a service station, upon the motorway !
A Medical Mediocrity
By Baz Cann
Something just aint right with my plumbing,
So off down to the doctors I go,
And following a brief look and thinking,
A request to take things a bit slow !
"Tha's blood pressure be a bit high lad !
But not that alarmingly so",
"It's best we get a second opinion,
So off to hospital you'll go !"
"Just dotting the 'I's, and crossing the 'T's
Is all that they're going to do."
And now I've experienced every part,
The next time I hope Doc, it's you !
The prodding and poking was not very nice,
You tend to run out of street class,
When it comes to examination in full,
It can be a right pain in the ass !
We have to take a scan, at least that's the plan,
To try and find what's going wrong,
All clear sounds again, and I'm in for real pain,
At the hands of the Surgical throng !
Tha shouldn't be haemoragin' like that,
So in with a camera we'll go,
To inspect the bladder, and respective parts,
The problem is surely to show.
I'm a fairly brave fellow, but have to admit,
That I did not enjoy that one bit,
And if I get told "This might just hurt a tad",
That person, I will most gladly hit !
This story is true, and I'm all black and blue,
Below the waist, I'm twice the size,
Just get rid of the colours, and the pain as well,
And give my lass a pleasant surprise !