Submitted by Chris Skelhorn
In days of old when Man was young,
God threw a big dance party
For all His creatures and sent invites
To the hale and hearty.
Along they came, both friends and foe,
To God's big house;
All sorts of beings from elephant
Sheep and horse and mouse.
All went well at the party,
So very like a zoo,
Until the tribe of dogs arrived,
Squabbling, as they do.
"'tis a night for dancing" was the Word from High,
"Not fighting one another!"
"So, let's have fun and games,
stop causing all this bother!"
Before He let the dogs come on inside,
He took from them their arseholes
Which He hung up by the door,
On nails put there for the purpose.
The dogs behaved and had good times,
So's not to raise God's ire,
When suddenly, in middle of the waltz,
Some bastard shouted "Fire".
Everyone ran out of the house,
very very quickly,
Some were fast and some were slow,
And some were rather sickly.
It was such a rush as they all ran,
Ape and croc and mole,
Passing the nails, dogs had no choice,
But to grab the first arsehole.
For millions of years they have searched
Trying to put things right,
Sniffing here and sniffing there,
In darkness and in light.
So now your dog will desert a tasty dish,
Or leave dry that power pole,
Or quit a favoured game of play
To sniff a stranger's hole.
Do not be cross if he leaves your side
Or discards a juicy bone
He only does as instinct drives;
As he tries to find his own!