Ever wondered what we get up to on the CRYPT email list? ...A lot of our mails involve Tech Questions or Information regarding News Releases .... Even our hopes and thoughts on the forthcomming New Amigas.
Occasionally we have a break and in the Interest of Amusment,
Madness takes over :) Below is A Silly Story thread from Our Mailing list ... It
contains Mails from Ray Elf, The Ferret, Ian Urie & Rod MacLean. All this Started by a Mail From Ray Elf ...Saying that the List
had gone Quiet ...WE RESPONDED :) These ARE the actual mails from the List ...With added Artwork by Ray Elf.
As the COLD Summer Sun strikes the Entrance to the CRYPT
....Little can be Heard ....Save the almost silent scurrying of
the Ferret .... Climbing in and out of the Bones of the Deceased
..Pausing only to Nibble a Remnant of rotting Flesh still
clinging to the Dead. SUDDENLY ...A bright red glow appears ...As the Dungeon Master
opens his Single Eye.
"THEN HE MUST PERISH" ... "Go forth my Ferret and in the Dead of
Night Gnaw his Heart for his Living Chest and Bring it to Me"
"Well ......The Elf did not Sleep .....And He Gave me this SHINEY
PENNY ....with the Promise of a second should I Kill YOU"
"You wouldn't kill me just for one shiny penny, surely?", rasped
the Dungeon Master? "you know the Elf can't be trusted, and he
will surely bilk you of the other penny" "Well, a penny saved is a penny for my upcoming retirement, said
the Ferret slyly pulling forth his huge weapon. "Why you little..........." said the Dungeon Master as he reached
within his voluminous cloak to produce his own large(ish) weapon.
"My weapon will tear you to bits" screamed the Dungeon Master,
jumping forward, his cloak rippling with unseen nightmares
concealed and his wild long hair bristling like a Medusa.
The Ferret retreated slightly and grasping his weapon firmly (is there any other way?), turned side on to produce a smaller target for the Dungeon Master's mace. "Of course, you could bribe me if you think you have something of value to me"
"Never" came the reply, "Do you think I'd ever trust a snivelling little wretch like you again, its easier to get rid of the problem here and now, rather than watch my back for the rest of my unearthly days"
Ferret pouted , if you could call it a pout in that little wizened exterior, "I could always go back where I came from, you've never really respected me" He shifted hands on his weapon and started to move slowly sideways trying to goad the Dungeon Master into a rash lunge.
"You've always preferred that sod Zola......him and that other cretin whose name always escapes me!"
"Well, you've no-one else here to protect you now, little did you know, the rest have always wanted to help write "Boaby", and now they'll get their chance after I've disembowelled you!
"Bastard", screamed Ferret, moved beyond reason at the thought of anyone else crafting "Boaby". He lunged forward , viciously flailing his weapon at the Dungeon Master.
The Dungeon Master laughed manically as Ferret and his weapon entangled themselves in the voluminous cloak. He quickly shifted stance and grasped Ferret by the neck single handed. A quick flick of his wrist and the Ferret was flung to the ground, his weapon tumbling into the depths of the Crypt where he heard it clattering to rest somwhere in the bowels of the Earth.
The Dungeon Master howled with rage as he flung his mace away to leap upon the sprawling Ferret.
"I'm going to take great pleasure from this.......it's just a pity I don't have a webcam that I could pipe straight to the Website to show how a real Dungeon Master treats recalcitrant little Haggis eaters who piss me off" he growled as he raked his long fingernails down the side of the quivering Ferret. The blood followed his fingernails like mouse trails.............
The Ferret screamed loudly and tried to throw the Dungeon Master off. Putting his knees onto the Ferret's arms, the Dungeon Master cackled with glee and produced two slim daggers.......working quickly, he embedded each in the Ferrets hands pinning him to the ground.
"Pennies was it........you'll get two pennies now, they'll be covering your eyes soon" he crooned softly. Reaching into his cloak again produced yet another dagger, (part of the reason the Ferret couldn't throw him off was the colossal weight of the Dungeon Master when he was fully tooled up.)
"Why don't I carve you another mouth", smiled the Dungeon Master in one of his theatrical voices, "I'm sick of listening to your sorry little utterences" He was as good as his word and began to slowly carve upon the Ferrets countenance. The blood was starting to pool beneath the Ferret but the Dungeon Master was unaware as he concentrated on making a grisly smile. "Hmm, I can see I'm going to have to try again, this one's lopsided."
I was holding out for an ending that involved Carol Vorderman,
Joanna Lumley and Zoe Ball inviting Jo Guest to join them for a
spot of naked tag-team wrestling in a jacuzzi full of warm
frogspawn. This would mean that the fight between the Dungeon Master and the
Ferret would be brought to an abrupt end and Wee Boaby's wee Embra
cousin would by forced to say either:
"Fer f*cks sake ladies. Can a no tak ye's onnywherr withoot ye
gettin yirsel's intae trouble, ya f*ckin' radge b*stards. C'mon tae shit - cus when ah git ye's hame ahm ginnae kick the
f*ck ootae ye ya f*ckin nympho bitches cus yur supposed tae be
mine wi nane ay this nekkid f*cking wrestlin an aw ay that pish" Then the Ferret and DM would die of simultaneous heart-attacks and
I would run in grab the penny and retire to South America.
It Doesn't matter if There IS Life after Death .... Yea'll get
Fleeced Oot oh yer Penny in Embra ;)
And if you would like to join in the fun, or finish our story off, then come and join us on our mailing list.
