Hi Ella! whits fur ma Lunch? .. cried Boaby ...Burstin through the
Front door. LUNCH! ..Is it ...Said Ella ... The same as whats fur yer Diner,
There's Bread and Jam and that yer lot until yer Giro comes in
Two days Time. BREAD AND BLUDDY JAM ...Screamed Boaby ...Whit sort oh food is
that fur a grown man. Jist the Best I kin afford ...Yea lazy arsed Wee Numpty ..Shouted
Ella ... Maybe if yea hud a Joab we could afford the Nicer things
in life. HUH! Said Boaby ...Realising he was getting into an Argument that
could result in him meeting the Frying Pan. Well I'm no wantin yer Bread and Jam ...I'm away oot again. Boaby Stamped off in the Huff, Straight into the "Piston Broke" CHRIST ...Gives a Pint Quick,Alec .. said Boaby ..Am pure Chokin. Alec the barmen walked over and placed a Half Pint of Export on
the Counter. Whits the BLUDDY Eggcup Oh beer fur ...Asked Boaby Weel!.. Boaby yer slate is up tae its limit ...A hauf pint is all
yea kin afford ...and enjoy it ...its the last until yea clear
some of yer debts. Bugger it! .... Said a forlorn Boaby his head sinking in Despair
on to the Wooden Bar Counter. Boaby his head still down and Eyes closed heard what appeared to
be a Dog Peeing against his Bar stool. He turned his head and saw
his Precious Half Pint being Poured on to the Floor. HOI!... screamed Boaby suddenly sitting Bolt Upright. GIE THE WEE MAN A DECENT DRINK ...I'll Pay. OH! it's you "Dodgy Al" ...Here! I shouldn't even speak to you
after that Bluddy Dug yea sold me. Its no my fault your no responsible enough tae look after a dumb
Animal ...Noo is it. Anyway huv yer pint and Tell me whits
Bothering yea. Well! Maybe yer auld Pal Can help yea there. said Dodgy Al NO WAY! ...There's no way.. I'm selling yer Bent Gear on Street
Corners ...I'm no that Bluddy Desperate. Me Neither.. said Al....I wouldnae let yea near my Gear. But I
huv a pal that's looking for a Worker ....Well its only for a
couple oh weeks ...But he'll pay you Upfront ...On the Quiet
like...So it'll no affect yer Giro. Nah! Am No Sure! Said Boaby ... Bona Fida ...Shuggie runs his own Company ..He employs a load of
guys. I could talk tae him fur Yea ... Whit kind oh Joab is it then ...Asked an Interested Boaby Security Work ...Said Dodgy Al Whit do I know aboot Security ...Said Boaby Well who locks the Doors and Windaes in your Hoose? Me! Well then there yea go ...Yer security minded then. Tell yea Whit ...Come wie me and Well talk tae Shuggie the Noo,
Yea don't huv tae take the Joab but give him a chance, Whit dae
yea say ...Are yea On? Aye OK ...I'll give it a bash ...said Boaby. Boaby and All walked the Quarter of a Mile down the Road to a
Decrepid Caravan parked in a bit of Waste Ground. There's his Office There ...Said Dodgy Al Boaby noticed the Piece of Cardboard sellotaped to the Door
Dodgy Al Approached the Door Tap Tap ...Thump...Tap Tap ...Thump! Thats a code Boaby so Shuggie knows tae Answer it. Hows he scared tae answer the Door? ...Asked Boaby He's no ...Its Security ...Dae yea See. OH AYE! said Boaby trying to hide his Ignorance. The Curtain in the Small Door Windae moved a little, Boaby could
just make out this One Eye looking him up and Down. IS at you Dodgy Al ...Asked the Voice from inside the Van. AYE SHUGGIE ME AND A FRIEND Right ...I'll coont tae 3 and open the Door ...Yea huv 10 Seconds
tae get in before I close it again. OK? Right shouted Al THREE ...The Van door flew open ...Dodgy Al Pushed Boaby up the
Steps and they both fell in a heap on the Dirty Floor just before
the Door Slammed closed again. As Boaby and Al climbed to their Feet ...Shuggie ran about the
Small Caravan peeking out of the Various Windows. Yea were nae Followed were yea ...He nervously asked. No! Nae Problems there Shuggie I know the Score said Dodgy Al. RIGHT! said Shuggie calming down a bit ...He stared at Boaby. and
Pointed a Nicotine stained finger ...WHO'S HE. This is BOABY ...My pal ...He's lookin fur Work tae Tidy him ore a
bad Spell ...I ken yer looking tae replace Razor Mcgil ...Well
until he get oot oh Hospital. Whits he in Hospital For? Asked Boaby trying to become part of the
Conversation. Plastic Surgery! Said Shuggie OH! ...A Face lift inat ...Said Boaby NO! Hes getting it Grafted back on ..Scowled Shuggie, He wiz My
Top Hand Tae. RIGHT So yer lookin fur a Joab are yea ...Asked Shuggie Well AYE KINDA said Boaby OK! WE Work 12 Hoor shifts 8 at night tae 8 in the Mornin ...£3.00
an Hoor ...Paid at the end OF yer shift ...Cash in Hand. Yea work
wan night oan ...and wan night Aff ...How does that sound? Great! .. said Boaby having done the Mental calculation and got it
out to £36 per night. When do I start. JIST HUD OAN ...Screamed Shuggie ...This is a Professional
Company, Yea need an Interview and Medical Questionnaire before
yea kin start. Shuggie sat behind the Desk (Actually it was a Plank on two
upturned Cardboard Boxes) But it looked alright. RIGHT The Medical ...Said Shuggie .... Any Deadly Diseases? Naw! said Boaby Any Sexual Transmitted Diseases then? Naw! Right yea Passed that one ...Said Shuggie. Noo the Interview. Are the Polis Looking fur yea fur anything? Naw. Great! yea Start the Night ...Said a smilin Shuggie. Right I'll get yer Uniform fur Yea. Shuggie dived into a big Cardboard box and came out with a smelly
old Donkey Jacket ...Try that oan ..he said. The Jacket felt about two sizes to big to Boaby ..but Shuggie and
Dodgy Al both said it looked fine. Here said Boaby ...Is this no a Railway Jacket? Whit makes yea think that ...Asked a startled Shuggie Well its got they fancy Buttons and it say "British Rail" on the
Orange bit at the Back. BY CHRIST ...He's Quick this wan said Shuggie tae Al. NO Boaby the Railway Sponsor Us. Jeez Oh! Said Boaby ...Mightily Impressed. Heres year Cap ...Said Shuggie handing Boaby a old Busdrivers
Bunnet ... Boaby looked at it ...The badge had been removed and a piece of
Masking tape was over the Holes with "Security" Written on it in
Black Felt tip pen. AYE The Bus Group are oor other Sponsors said Shuggie. Noo Yer first assignment is a nice easy Joab ....Cruddy
Construction are working on repairs at a bridge over the Clyde
...Its jist doon the Road from Here. I Ken it! said Boaby ..I passed there this Morning. Great said Shuggie ...Meet me there at Half Seven the Night and
I'll introduce yea tae the Joab. OH Wait! ...Said Shuggie ...I almost forgot ... Here's yer Identity card ...He said handing Boaby a hand written
piece of white cardboard with a small gold safety pin attached at
the back. (Boaby Frae Shuggie's Securities Services). Boaby and Dodgy Al left the Caravan and proceeded back up the
Road. I'll need a Piece fur the Night said Boaby. AYE! Look here's a five spot ...Said Dodgy Al handing Boaby a
Fiver ... Yea kin pay it back the Morra when yea get yer wages. It was a delighted Boaby that arrived back in his Wee Hoose. ELLA ....I've Got a Joab ...Shouted Boaby
He then proceeded to explain all about it to Ella. Well I don't know said Ella ....I don't like the Idea of you Ooot
there all night on yer Own ...Anything kin Happen ..She said. Och! Dinnae Worry Hen ...I'll get paid fur it Said Boaby. AYE ....But How much said Ella ...Yea huvnae telt me the Wages. OH! EH ...Its Two Pound an Hour ...Said Boaby ...Twenty Four Pound
a Shift. Great Said ELLA ...I'll maybe manage tae get that Coat oot oh the
Catalogue ... AYE! Said Boaby ...Yea kin ...Having a wee smile tae himself. As night Approached Boaby dressed in his Uniform and Armed with a
Piece wandered down to the Building site and met up with Shuggie. Mr Cruddy ...This is my New Security Guard ... Billy BOABY ....Ma Names Boaby Oh! Aye Boaby ....He's wan oh our most Trustworthy Guards and a
Personal Friend of Mine said Shuggie. Right said Cruddy ....I'll Show yea Aboot. Cruddy took Boaby to a Small portocabin ...This is my Office, You
use this as your Base ...There's a Kettle fur yer Tea ...A
Telephone if yea need tae call the Polis ...And up oan the Wall is
a Board wie all the Keys fur the Machines ootside ...The Diggers,
Dumpers and Caterpillars .... Watch yea don't lose any Keys. Right Nae Problem Said Boaby OK said Cruddy ...Heres the Padlock fur the Main Gate ...When we
leave Lock yersel in and I'll See yea at 8 the Morra Mornin. Cruddy, His Crew and Shuggie left the Site and the Uniformed Boaby
duly Locked the Two Iron Gates Behind them ...Before Returning to
the Office. The next Two Hours Passed Quietly as Boaby sat listening to
Cruddy's Small Radio and Sipping his Tea. I'll Just huv a Wee Walk Aboot before I have my Piece thought
Boaby ....Jings this is Easy Money ..He said Smiling to Himself. Boaby left the Small Office and Wandered around the Heavy
Machinery Parked around the Building site. Suddenly Boaby Spotted a little Girl standing beside one of the
Dumper trucks. Here! ...Whit are Yea Doing In Here Shouted Boaby. As Boaby Approached the Girl his Heart Melted. She was around 7 Years old ...Blonde Hair with big Innocent Blue
Eyes ...Her long Blonde Locks Tumbled over her Shabby Green Coat. Hello Lovie said Boaby ...Whit are Yea Doing in Here? ...This is a
dangerous Place fur a Wee Lassie. The Little Girl just looked at Boaby and her Eyes Filled With
Tears. OCH! Dinae Cry Said Boaby ....Here Whits yer Name? DEE ...Replied the little Girl OCH thats a real Bonnie Name .... Whits Yer last name? KOI ...She Replied KOI? Asked Boaby ....Thinking she maybe had some Oriental Bloody
in her. Well look Dee yea Canna stay in here ...So off yea Go ....Go on
...Go back Hame. He Little Girl just Stood there looking at Boaby. GO OAN ...Said Boaby ...Awae Hame
WILL YE GET OOOT OH HERE AFORE I HUV TAE SKELP YER ARSE...Shouted
a frustrated Boaby. Just then Boaby heard a Noise behind him and Turned around just in
time to see a Gang of Boys ...Ageing between 7 and 12 running out
of the Office ... What angered Boaby was the Last Boy was
clutching his Piece. HOI! Yea wee bazturds Yea ...That Ma Bluddy Piece ...Screamed
Boaby. A Small voice from Behind Boaby said "Skelp my Arse wid Yea" Boaby turned around to face Innocent DEE ...Just in time to see
her pull a small AirPistol from under her Green Coat
The Small Lead Pellet hit an oil drum just Left of Boaby. Jeezus Effin Christ ...Screamed Boaby She's Got a Bluddy Gun
...And he dived behind a pile of Bricks. PFFFFT ......Pinnnng! The Pellet ...Slammed into the Bricks that
Boaby had hidden Behind. Boaby Got up and started to Run "Hell for Leather for the Safety
of his Office.
Boaby screamed in Pain as the small lead Pellet slammed into his
left Buttock. Boaby Fell through the Door of the Office ...Rolled on the Floor
and Kicked the Door Shut. PFFFFT ...TWAAANG ... The Pellet slammed into the Door. The Wee Bitch hiz Shot me ... screamed Boaby Rubbin his Arse
Frantically. I'll Phone the Polis ...Thought Boaby ...Picking up the Phone.
Boaby looked at the Receiver in his hand and the Short bit of Wire
still attached to it. They Wee Bazturds huv cut the Line ...Screamed Boaby. For the Next ten Minutes Boaby looked tentively out of the Window
...But all seemed Quiet. Suddenly the Night air was Split by the Roar of a Diesel Engine. Christ Whit NOO ...Shouted Boaby and headed out of the Office
Door. Out in the Site Boaby Spotted a Small Boy sitting in the Driving
Seat of the Caterpillar ...Black Fumes pouring from the Exhaust. GET AFF THAT YEA STOOPID LITTLE MIDDEN YEA Screamed Boaby Boaby Picked up a Brick and Threw it ...He meant no Harm to the
Wee Fella ...However his Aim was True and the Brick Flew through
the Air towards its Target. The Wee Boy Spotted the Danger and Launched himself off the
Caterpillar and on to the Ground ...Just as the Brick entered the
Cab and Bounced off one of the Levers ...Before landing on the
Accelerator Pedal. With a Loud ROAR the Caterpillar took off ...The Giant Blade
moving Up and Down ...Straight towards the Wee Portocabin Office.
The Maniacal Caterpillar Hit the Portocabin..Hesitated for an
Instant then carried on Regardless ...Bits of Wood and Felt Spewed
into the Air as the small office shattered into Thousands of bits
under the steel tracks of the Heavy Machine. JEEZ OH! said Boaby .... I'm In trouble NOO. The Giant Caterpillar demolished the Office and Trundled on its
Merry way ...Eventually Hitting the Bridge across the CLYDE
A Large Crack Appeared in the Brickwork of the Bridge, However the
Caterpillar having met an Unmovable Object, Started to slide in
the Muddy Ground .... The Back end of the large powerful Machine
slid around and eventually slipped over the Steep Banking and
disappeared into the River. After a Few Gurgles and Phuts the Night was once again Quiet ..And
the large Cat slipped beneath the Dark Waters of the CLYDE. Boaby stood at the Riverside looking forlornly at the Dark Waters.
Suddenly another Engine started up. Boaby Rushed back to the Building site, In time to see a Dumper
truck disappearing Down the Road ...Having demolished the Two
Steel Gates. Then He saw a Drunk stagger up and Climb into the JCB HERE ....YOU ...WHIT DAE YEA THINK YER DOIN ..Screamed Boaby GAUN HAME Slurred the Drunk ...Sipping out of a can of Super
Lager. But yea cannae take that Machine ...It's No Yours Shouted Boaby. IS IT NAW ...Asked the Drunk ...Well I've News fur Yea. I Paid a Fiver fur the Keys and Am Bluddy takin it ...RIGHT. Whit dae yea mean yea paid a Fiver fur the Keys ...Asked Boaby. Ther's a Bunch Oh wee boys ootside the Pub sellin them slurred the
Drunk as he started up the Engine and Disappeared through the
Broken Gates. Engines started to fire up throughout the Building site ...And
although Boaby did his Best to Pull one Drunk for a Dumper, He
just got a Glasgae Kiss fur his Efforts. Lying Bleedin and Sore on the Ground ...Boaby thought things
couldn't get any Worse. Suddenly the Dark Sky was lit up a Brilliant White ...A Large
Rumbling Sound Rolled through the Night and the Rain Came Pelting
down. Within Thirty Seconds of the Thunderstorm Starting Boaby was
Totally Soaked and Covered in Wet Clinging Mud. Boaby stood in the Middle of the Now Empty Building Site
Desperately looking for Shelter ...When he Spotted a large 40
gallon oil drum lying on top of a pile of sand at the Rivers Edge.
Soaking and Desperate ...Boaby Crawled into the Smelly Drum and
Curled himself into a tight ball. At least am ooot oh the Rain Thought Boaby ...Before gently
falling Asleep. Boaby ...Despite the Trauma of the Night slept Peacefully until he
awoke to Hear Voices. AYE and WHERE YER FECKIN SECURITY GUARD .... Boaby recognised
Cruddy's Voice JIST AS WELL THE WEE BAZTURD IS NO HERE ...Shouted Shuggie A WID BLUDDY KILL HIM MAESEL ...He Screamed. Oh Christ Thought Boaby ...Trying to make himself Smaller in his
Oildrum. The Heavy rain of the Night had turned the Sand into a wet, Slippy
Slurry ...Boaby's slight movement in the Oildrum was enough to set
the Whole thing Going. Slowly in front of Shuggie and Cruddy the Oildrun Slipped into the
Dark waters of the CLYDE.
Boaby's Wee head suddenly Appeared out of the Top of the Bobbin
Oildrum. THERE'S THE BAZTURD ...SCREAMED SHUGGIE ...Throwing Bricks at the
Drum. COME BACK HERE YEA WEE TOERAG YEA ..He Screamed. NAE CHANCE THOUGHT BOABY as the Drum got Caught in the Swift
flowing Current.