Side Splitters
by Dennis Robb
Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. "Do
you and your wife ever do it doggy-style?" asked the one.
"Well... not exactly." his friend replied, "She's more into doing
it 'dog trick' style."
"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"
"Well, not exactly...I sit up and beg and she rolls over and
plays dead."
================
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to
play together. One day, the two were playing when the horse fell
into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse
whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he
searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had
gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken
spied the farmer's new Z-3 series BMW. Finding the keys inside,
the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had
time to save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the
chicken arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of
the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other
end to the rear bumper of the farmer's car, the chicken then
drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful car,
rescued the horse! Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW
back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he
returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented:
best buddies, best pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he
too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large
puddle.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "thing" and
he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good
grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story?
When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up
chicks.
=====================
A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp
partially buried in the sand.
He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two genies appear and they tell him he has been granted six
wishes.
The guy makes his six wishes and the Genies disappear.
Next thing he knows he's in a bedroom in a mansion surrounded by
fifty beautiful women.
He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.
Suddenly he feels something soft underfoot, he looks down and the
whole of the floor is covered in $100 bills. He opens a door and
walks into massive brewery, just past which is his private hangar
with a Lear jet.
Next thing there is a knock at the door.
He answers the door and standing there outside are two guys
dressed in Klu Klux Klan outfits.
They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a
branch and hang him by the neck until he is dead.
As they are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two
Genies.
One Genie says to the other, "Hey, I can understand the first set
of wishes: having all those beautiful women and a big mansion to
make love in. The brewery and Lear are obvious choices. And I can
also understand wanting to be a billionaire.......
But to be hung like a black man is beyond me.
================
A beautiful woman went to the gynaecologist. The doctor took one
look at how gorgeous she was and all his professionalism went out
the window.
He immediately told her to undress.
After she had disrobed, the doctor began stroking her thigh. He
asked her "Do you know what I am doing?".
"Yes", she replied "You are checking for any abrasions or
dermatological abnormalities".
"That's correct" said the doctor. He then began to fondle her
magnificent breasts.
"Do you know what I am doing now?" he asked.
"Yes" said the woman. "You're checking for any lumps or breast
cancer."
"Correct" said the shady doctor.
Finally he undressed, mounted her and started having sexual
intercourse with her.
"Do you know what I'm doing now?" he panted.
"Yes" she replied. "You're getting herpes, which is why I came
here in the first place"
=================
The Catch
A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York
and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing
over a beautiful bed of red roses.
"Tsk Tsk!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That
poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can
help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked,
"What are you doing, my friend?"
"Fishin', sir."
"Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with
me?"
The old man stood put his rod away and followed the kind stranger
to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of vodka and a fine
cigar.
His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man,
and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch today?"
The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke
ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!"
