Ella was off for the Day to visit her Mammy, Boaby decided to try
his luck at "Mcphersons" the Local Bookmaker. "And its Boiling Scot by three lengths to Chubby Chinaman with one
to jump" Screamed the loudspeaker. Go Oan my son! Screamed Boaby caught up in the excitement of at
last having a potential winner. "And they are safely over the last ... its Boiling Scot by five
lengths and pulling away" AYE! Screamed Boaby .. A Bluddy Ten tae wan winner! Beamed the Wee
man. The race having been completed Boaby went to the Counter with his
betting slip and the cashier counted out Boaby's winnings ..just
over £55. Yah Beauty! Said Boaby kissing the Wad of Notes. Aboot time I got
some Oh ma Money back from you lot. Stuffing the wad in his hip pocket, Boaby headed for the Little
toilet in the back of the Betting Shop. Strange thing Excitement thought Boaby, it always sets off my
Bowls. In through the Toilet door, Boaby Ignored the Urinals and Pushed
the Door on the W.C. The Door was securely locked.
Several seconds lapsed before the door opened and out came a lad
of about Twenty years old. Boaby looked at him Here yer eyes are all red! said Boaby. Huv yea been Pressin?
Constipation is no good fur yea. NO! I have not replied the Youth, Blowing his Nose in a big white
hanky.
Are yea alright pal? Asked a worried Boaby. Whit are yea greetin
fur. SNIFF ... Oh it doesn't matter. Said the Youth. Your no from around here are yea? Asked Boaby. NO! I'm fwom just outside of Edinbuwgh ...My Names "Bawwie" he
said sticking out his hand. BAW WIE ... Said Boaby. In that yea huv Wee Ba's NO! said the Indignent youth B-A-R-R-Y ....BAWWIE OH! said Boaby ... Yea huv a Speech impediment ...A problem wie
yer R's Oh! Go on then. said Bawwie. Make fun of me ...Evewyone does ..
Nobody likes ME. Am no makin fun oh yea pal ...Said Boaby ...Whit are yea doing in
this Neck of the woods? Well! Said Bawwie I was getting the Twain to Haymawket, But I fell
asleep and ended up in Glasgow. The Pwoblem is I don't have the Money to Buy a Ticket back to
Edinbuwgh. Here! are yea trying tae pit the Tap oan me fur Money. Asked
Boaby. NO! ... Cewtainly NOT! said Bawwie. My wages goes into the Bank
Tomowwow, I just have to find somewhewe to sleep tonight and I can
get the Twain Tomowwow. Oh! So yea Work then? Asked Boaby Yes! I'm a web designer. Smiled Bawwie A WHIT? Said Boaby. Yea work fur Spiders? NO! Laughed Bawwie. I Design Web Pages for the Internet, I have my
own Company, You can make lots of Money designing Web Pages. Oh! said Boaby. So how come yer skint? Eh! ... Well I'm just waiting to get paid for a couple of
Contwacts. Replied Bawwie. I Don't suppose you would see fit ......... NAW! NAE BLUDDY CHANCE! ...Said Boaby But! Yea can stay at my hoose tonight if it helps. Offered Boaby Excellent! Thank you vewy much said Bawwie. Aye Nae Problem Said Boaby. Come oan I'll buy yea a pint. Boaby and Bawwie left Mcphersons and headed into the "Piston
Broke"
Right! said Boaby Come oan and I'll staun yea a Fish Supper at the
Chippie. That's vewy good of you. Said Bawwie. I'll wepay you for
evewything when I get my Money. Boaby and Bawwie headed down to the Local Chippie where the Wee
man bought two Pie Suppers. Here get that doon yer neck! said Boaby handing the smelly parcel
to Bawwie. Thank you evew so much, Your a very kind person. said Bawwie. Boaby and Bawwie walked up the street scoffing their Suppers
eventually reaching Boabys House. Come away in. Said Boaby.
Aye! Ella should be hame soon. said Boaby. Dae yea fancy another
Swally ... I'm bluddy chokin. Oh yes please. said the Youth I'll jist leave a wee note fur Ella tae let hur ken that yer
stayin the night and that were at the Piston Broke. Said Boaby
scribbling on an old piece of paper. Boaby and Bawwie spent the rest of the night at the Piston Broke,
Swilling Hauf of Whisky and pints of McEwans Export, Both were
Well canned on leaving the Bar at 11PM. Ssh! said Boaby .. Holding his fingers to his lips, Ells'a in
Bed. Boaby rummaged about in the Cupboard appearing with a Pillow and
several Blankets. Yea kin Bed doon on the Sofa ...Its quite comfie. Said Boaby Thanks Replied Bawwie ..And good Night.
The Wee man came to with Ella loudly whispering in his Ear. Jesus Christ! ...Whit wrang Ella? Said and Annoyed Boaby. There someboady Rummagin aboot doon stairs! ACH! It'll be Bawwie ...I left yea a note that he wiz Stayin the
Night. Said Boaby turning back over. NO! Listen! Screamed Ella Theres someboaby going throught the
Drawers and things.
WHIT? ...Bluddy Hell ...OK! I'll check it oot. said Boaby
Boaby climbed out of bed, Slapped on his Bonnet and Ella's Floral Pink Dressing Gown and headed downstairs.
When Boaby arrived downstairs the Couch was empty, Boaby rushed to the Kitchen, The Tea Caddie had been knocked over and the Precious Shopping Money Missing.
Boaby ran Hell for Leather to the Door and Down the Stairs to the Street, Just in time to see Bawwie Disappear round the Corner.
Boaby ran as fast as he could, Turning the Corner he spotted Bawwie wandering down the Road.
A shocked Bawwie glanced over his shoulder and with a terrified look on his face broke into a fast run.
Boaby gave chase, But even from the Start it was clear the Bawwie, Being so much younger had the Beating of him.
Then Boaby spotted the Message boys Bike sitting outside McGumpies Shop.
Boaby grabbed the Bike and peddling furiously down the Street started to catch the Fleeing Bawwie
Terrified Bawwie Sped down the Street, Glancing over his shoulder
to the Fast Approaching Boaby on the Bike. Bawwie was to engrossed in the scene behind him to realise that
"Big Maggie" had just finished her nightshift in Crawfords the
Bakers. "Big Maggie" Stepped onto the Pavement right if front of the
Fleeing Bawwie.
Bawie hit "Big Maggie" at full pelt, He sank about 4 inches into
the Mass of Female flesh before the fatty properties of her boady
propelled him backwards. Boaby Meantime still peddled his bike, Suddenly the Front tyre
seemed to disappear up the Crack of Bawwies backward propelled
Arse
The Bike stopped instantly, Wee Boaby left the Bike seat and was
sent flying over the Handlebars. While airborn Boaby head met Bawwies in the Perfect Backward
Glasga Kiss.
Bawwie was immeadiately Knocked Unconcious, Boaby did a Somersault
and ended flat on his back lying on the Pavement, Looking up Big
Maggies Skirt. Jesus Christ ...Yea might huv given it a comb. Muttered Boaby WHIT? screammed Big Maggie. Oh Nothin. Said Boaby getting to his feet and heading for the limp
figure of Bawwie. Boaby picked up Bawwie by the front of his Jacket and Started
shaking him.
A Semi Consious Bawwie Squeeked "pocket" RIGHT said Boaby Slapping Bawwie around the face. Boaby Threw Bawwies boady back down on the Pavement and started
rummaging about in the lads Pocket until he found the Cash.
Screammed Boaby. Suddenly kicking Bawwie several times in the
Ribs. HOI! ....Whits Bluddy goan oan here. Asked 2 Strathclyde Polis
men. OH! Nothing ..Said Boaby ...I wiz jist givin my mate here a hand
up. Yea wiz Kickin seven shades of shit oot oh him yea mean. Said one
Polis. I seen it all. Said Big Maggie. I wiz jist finished my shift and the weeladdie there wiz harein it
doon the street lookin pure terrified, he ran right intae me. Then that wee transvestite .... He ran right intae him wie hiz
Bike ... Then he started slappin and kickin him, Then he stole his
Money ... He a bad wee bazturd if yea ask me. Wait a wee bluddy minute hear. Screamed Boaby Shut yer trap! said the First Polis Hun Oan! Said the Second takin a good look at Bawwie I Bluddy ken you! ... Your Barry Smithe ...Yer a bluddy Druggie
frae Embra ... Yer photie is up in the Station. The second Polis grabbed Bawwie and flung him face down on a car
Bonnet ...Securely handcuffing him, He then proceeded to check
Bawwies Backpack. Thought so! He said with a satisfied Grin. Full oh Drugs .. Yea wee bazturd ye've been through here shoppin
again ...Well yer well and truely Nicked this time. AYE! said a despondent Bawwie ..And its all your fault. He said
glaring at Boaby. ME! ...How me? I didnae ken yea were oan Drugs. Said a bewildered
Boaby. AYE it your fault all Wight. I was using my weturn wail ticket tae
huv a quite "Snort" in the Bookies Toilet when you stawted
hammewing on the door.... I dwoped my ticket down the pan. I could have been in Edinbuwgh by now selling the stuff. Jeez Oh! Exclaimed Boaby Here kin I go hame noo. He asked the Polisman AYE! ...Dae yea want a lift up the Road? Message fae control. Message fae control. Crackled the Police
radio Bike reported Stolen frae ootside Mcgumpies the Newsagents. Eh! No I'll jist walk. said Boaby. Turning Quickly and walking up
the Road.