Hitler and Stalin sit in a bar.
This guy walks in and asks the barman. Isn't that Hitler and Stalin?
And the barman says "Yep, thats them"
So the guy walks over and says: "Hallo, what are you guys doing?"
And Hitler says:"We're planning world war 3"
And the guy says:"Really? What's going to happen?"
And Hitler says:" Well, we're going to kill 14 million Jews this time and one bicycle repairman."
And the guy asks:"A bicycle repairman???!"
So Hitler turns to Stalin and says:"See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million jews!"
A couple, who have been married for 45 years decide to go back to the cabin where they had their honeymoon. After reaching their destination, the wife says to the husband. "Sit down honey, I have a surprise for you". She returns in a transparent night gown and asks, "Do you remember this darling?" "I sure do honey", he replies.
She asks, "Do you remember the words you said to me at first night?" He said, "Sure do honey, I said I was going to suck your tits dry and fuck your brains out." She immediately ripped off he gown and asked "Well what do you think" He replied "Mission accomplished!"
An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her Husband's sex drive.
'What about trying Viagra?' asks the doctor. 'Not a chance' says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."
'No problem,' replies the doctor. 'Drop it into his coffee, he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on.'
A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how things went.
'Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor.' 'What happened?' asks the doctor.
'Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to make passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible.'
'What was terrible?' said the doctor, 'was the sex not good?'. "Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years, but I'll never be able to show my face in McDonald's again.
