Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
Two boll weevils grew up in Cornwall. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor.
The other stayed behind, drove a tractor and never amounted to much.
The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocaine during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Hunter walking through the jungle found a huge dead elephant with a pygmy standing beside it. Amazed, he asked, "Did you kill that?". The pygmy said, "Yes." The hunter asked, "How could a little bloke like you kill a huge beast like that?" Said the pygmy, "I killed it with my club." The astonished hunter asked, "How big is your club?" The pigmy replied, "There's about 60 of us......."
There are these two friends, a white guy and a black guy. One evening, they're in a bar arguing over which of them can have sex the most times in one night. They decide to settle the issue by going to the local whorehouse and gathering experimental evidence, as it were.
So they get to the whorehouse, pair off with a couple of the ladies, and go to their respective rooms. The white guy energetically balls his whore and, reaching up with a pencil, makes a " | " mark on the wall. Then he falls asleep. He wakes up in a couple of hours and screws the whore again, albeit a little less enthusiastically this time. Again, he reaches back and marks a " | " on the wall. Again, he falls asleep.
He wakes up again in a couple of hours and lethargically humps the hooker again. He drowsily marks another " | " on the wall and falls asleep for the rest of the night.
The next morning, the black guy barges into the white guy's room to see how he did. He takes one look at the wall and exclaims, "A hundred and eleven?! Wow! You beat me by three!"
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."