American States

By Richard Lane

Alabama: Yes, we have Electricity. Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos cannot be wrong. Arizona: But its a Dry heat.

California: By 30, our women have more plastic than your Honda. Colorado: If you don't ski, don't bother. Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, only the Kennedy's don't own it.

Delaware: We really do like the chemicals in our water.

Florida: Ask us about our grankids.

Georgia: We put the "Fun" in Fundamentalist Extremism.

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death to mainland scum but leave your money)

Idaho: More than potatoes. Well ok, we're not, but the Potatoes sure are good. Illinois: Please don't pronounce the "S". Indiana: 2 Billion years of Tidal Wave free. Iowa: We do amazing things with corn.

Kansas: First of the Rectangle States. Kentucky: Five million people: fifteen last names.

Louisiana: We're not all drunk Cajun wackos, but that's our Tourism Campaign.

Maine: We're really cold. But we have cheap Lobster. Maryland: If you can dream it, we can tax it. Massachusetts: Our taxes are lower than Sweden's (for some tax brackets). Michigan: First line of defence against Canada. Minnesota: 10,000 lakes and 10,000,000,000 Mosquitoes. Mississippi: Come feel better about your own state. Missouri: Your federal flood relief tax dollars at work. Montana: Land of the big sky, the Unabomber, Right-Wing crazies, & very little else.

Nebraska: At least the cows are sane. Nevada: Stripers, lounge lizards & poker. New Hampshire: Go away and leave us alone. New Jersey: You want a @~S%&! Motto? I go yer @#%&! Motto right here! New Mexico: Lizards make excellent pets. New York: You have the right to remain silent, you have the right to an attorney... North Carolina: Tobacco is a vegetable. North Dakota: We really are one of the 50 states!

Ohio: At lease we're not Michigan. Oklahoma: Like the play, only no singing. Oregon: Spotted Owl... it's what's for dinner.

Pennsylvania: Acceleration ramps - what's that? Civil Engineer's - Who needs them!

Rhode Island: We're not REALLY an island.

South Carolina: Remember the Civil War! We didn't actually surrender. South Dakota: Closer than North Dakota.

Tennessee: The Educashum State. Texas: Si, Hablo Ingles.

Utah: Our snow is better than your snow.

Vermont: Yep. Virginia: Who says government stiffs and slackjaw yokels don't mix?

Washington: Help! We're overrun by nerds and slackers! West Virginia: One big happy family....really! Wisconsin: Come cut the cheese. Wyoming: The nation's best beef cattle. Watch where you step.