Australian Computer Lingo

By Richard Lane


Log on - Make the barbie hotter. Log off -Don't add any more wood. Monitor - Keeping an eye on the barbie. Download -Get the firewood off the ute.

Floppy disc - What you get lifting too much firewood at once. Hard drive - Camooweal to Birdsville. Window - What you shut when it's cold. Screen - What you shut in the mozzie season.

Byte - What mozzies do. Bit - What mozzies did. Megabyte - What Townsville mozzies do. Chip - A bar snack.

Micro chip -What's left in the bag after you have eaten the chips. Dot Matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife. Laptop - Where the cat sleeps. Software - Plastic knives and forks you get at Red Rooster.

Hardware - Real stainless steel knives and forks. Mouse - What eats the grain in the shed. Mainframe - What holds the shed up. Interface - Split out the window of the ute.

Web - What spiders make. Web site - The shed or under the verandah. Cursor - The old bloke that swears a lot. Search engine - What you do when the ute won't go.

Upgrade - A steep hill. Server - The person at the pub that brings out the counter lunch. Mail server - The bloke at the pub that brings out the counter lunch. Sound card - The bower that wins the hand of 500.

User - The neighbour who keeps borrowing things. Network - When you have to repair your fishing net. Internet - Complicated fish net repair method. Netscape - When fish manoeuvres out of reach of net.

Online - When you get the laundry hung out. Offline - When the pegs don't hold the washing up.