| Dinner Time. |
A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners.
When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.
"Were these dishes ever washed?" he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.
She replied, "Of course they were cleaned Father."
"They're as clean as soap and water could get them."
He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and they all started eating.
The meal was delicious and he paid his compliments in spite the dirty dishes.
When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yells - "Here Soap! Here Water!"
| The Mess |
The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that although her quarters would be in a separate building, she was to mess with the men.
It wasn't until four weeks later someone finally told her that meant to eat her meals with them.
| Where is Jesus |
A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.
He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that he grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?"
Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven."
Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart."
Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurts out -
"I know! I know! He's in our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.
And Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells -
'Jesus Christ, are you still in there!?
| Eating Worms |
Little Johnny sat playing in the garden.
When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm.
She turned pale. "No, Johnny! Stop! That's horrible! You can't eat worms!"
Trying to convince him further, "Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby-worm."
"No, she isn't," said Johnny.
"Why not?" said the mother.
"Because I ate her first!"
| My poor Car |
A man walks into a friend and sees that his friend's car is total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood.
He asks his friend, "What's happened to your car?"
"Well," the friend responses, "I ran into a lawyer".
"Okay," says the man, "That explains the blood... but what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?"
"Well, I had to chase him all through the park."
| Mrs Riley |
My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.
"I got in a tiff with Riley."
"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said surprised.
"He must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."
"Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?"
"Aye, that I did - Mrs. Riley's right boob." Kelly said.
"And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!"
