Sponsored by BoysStuff.co.uk


North East England Earthquake

Submitted by Dennis Robb



An earthquake measuring 3.7 on the Richter scale hit North East England in the early hours, at its epicentre victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Fuuuckinell".

The tremor decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa del Sol were damaged beyond repair. Many plant pots were reported broken.

Students in InfoLab21 reported that the earth moved for them.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giro cheques arrived.

The Bay FM reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in the area.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said, "It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes come running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching Jeremy Kyle on the TV the next morning."

Apparently looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried on as normal.
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.

 

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.

Clothing is most sought after - items most needed include:

Nike or Burberry baseball caps.

Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)

Shell suits (female)

White sport socks.

Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include:

Microwave meals, Tins of baked beans, Ice cream, Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms.

£2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9.

£5 buys B&H cigarettes and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

 

 

***Breaking news***

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop. Where are you bleeding from?' they asked, " Skerton " said the girl, "wossit gotta do wiv you?"

Remember the North East of England suffers with the highest unemployment rate along with the highest crime rate in the whole of the UK!

Thank you for your support.



© RIYAN Productions

AmigaZ Logo